I'm not going to apologise for the way I act ever again. Because I decide how I act based on every situation and you're usually the cause of it. I don't care if I suddenly seem indifferent, distant or any other emotions you can imagine. I don't care if my negative vibes are spreading like wild fire because if you started the fire then you have to take the blame if it begins to destroy everything in sight.

Seriously I am only human. How could I ever say this enough? I'm more than exhausted from all that's been weighing down on me and this burden won't be lifted any time soon because I don't have enough "me" time and that's very much what I need.

So who said I wasn't giving enough attention. I'm probably the one who needs more attention from me, no?

And maybe I've always been the one taking others for granted. I wouldn't know, would I?

Technology has really screwed me up. I'm always online, typing something- anything. I don't even know why or how, but everytime I think of something or something happens, the first thing I think about is to blog about it. Or I'm finding something to do and I choose the livejournal app above all other apps because that's where I get my greatest satisfaction and joy. It's like everything temporarily fades away and for a moment i feel a sense of relief.

But this also means I can't talk to people anymore. I'm tired of having people near me, with me, and i absolutely detest staying amongst crowds because that's where I feel most insecure and awkward.

I'm so very tired of having to wake up early everyday, having this OCD of needing to wake up more than an hour earlier just to prepare. Any less time, I feel panicky and I just can't function. It's in my blood. How come it seems I'm the one who's so damn tired but I never complain? Why I go to certain extents just to do something when nobody bothers or appreciates? It seems nobody really notices anymore. Everyone's too caught up with their highly-achieving lives, searching for something non-existent, working towards a goal that is impossible to reach, and only caring about no one but themselves. How they look, what they wear, where they go, or if they're in the coolest clique, going to the most happening parties and staying out as late as possible. Well obviously they have no self-worth and they're just desperate for attention. Maybe that's where they get their self-confidence. But it's only temporary. What are you trying to prove? That you're wild? That you're sociable? That you're high above everyone else? All these zeroes down to nothing. At the end of the day you're just but tired, lonely souls, who have nothing to prove but you're in a constant search for something. Anything will do. Whether it costs you your life your health your friends your family or anything else that you thought didn't matter because you are the only one of utmost importance. Is it really worth it?

Going to the top 5 JCs- what does it mean? That you're the cream of the crop? No. Because the cream of the crop are only those who are truly at the top. What are we working so hard for- to prove ourselves to our parents, friends, family? That you're better and smarter? That the laminated certificate shows you're a much better person than everyone else?

Well if you can't make it why insist on going in? It's not the end of the world. Maybe going in will make you feel like an elite. Who knows. I'm not saying we shouldn't do our best, aim high and push ourselves. But think about it. If you fail, what are you going to do? Or if you succeed, what's next? Where do you go? What do you want to do? I'm sure you don't have an answer. Neither do I. Because I'm not you. So let's be realistic. Think carefully before you embark on anything or push yourself further than your limits. Because more often than not, you are going to break you even before you get to do anything.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Do you feel the same euphoria as I do when I realise I just found a damn good buy?
I actually start flying and I particularly like that item and then I keep using it lol! So weird.

Anyway, can you believe someone keeps asking me to gain some weight omg makes me a little annoyed!!!!!!!!! (ok i sound super annoyed here) but yeah why will I want to gain weight!! Actually I'm not gna ask you all if you think I shd gain some cos even if you say yes I still won't. see this makes me wna run away from church.

Btw does chicken essence make you fat? I'm just rly curious. Not that I drink it tho, it frigging sucks.

Okay I have a huge outstanding things to do over the remaining days of my holiday!!

Oh and I suddenly want to take up psychology man, like there's this strong urge!!! Sigh. I don't even know where my life is heading. Ok but I'm absolutely sure this is something I'm very interested in!! And the plus point of going to poly is not that it starts later. Ok it is. But I wna earn money not play. I really hate having nothing to do I swear it's so meaningless. And look at my life's video I'll be eating sleeping (ok both not so much) and of course sitting in front of the tv lying on my bed watching movies w my com (I finally updated everything zomgz) and doing nothing !!!!!!

In the meantime I shall think of how to productively spend my hols.

I want a ukelele now it seems more fun. I don't like the guitar anymore. Maybe cos I always have to cut my nails lol! And MJ's Black Or White makes me wna learn electric ahhhhh. But it's prolly impulse LOL that's the only song I like.

Okay bye this is so meaningless. I cant live without a blog because without it I have nobody to talk to! (yes about such things). Oh well whatever.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.